Marriage

Couples get married for many of the same reasons that individuals are religious or become parents.  Most often individuals who enter into a marriage have very different reasons that their spouse.  Frequently, marriage is a product of conception and religious beliefs.  It results from a social norm that is expected.  Mates are chosen because they are viewed as the best possible option to achieve an expected result. Women frequently get married due to the need to not be alone or the need for financial security.  Men get married because they need reliable physical connections and a desire to prove their self worth through attracting and providing for a mate.  As social stigmas of not being married and having children out of wedlock decrease, the marriage rate also has decreased.  I believe that the decrease in marriage is because the reasons individuals choose to get married dictates the success or failure of the marriage. This doesn’t mean divorce.  It can mean satisfaction with the partnership.

Marriage should be a partnership.  It doesn’t mean 50/50 in all aspects.  It is about knowing each other, being honest with intentions, and being committed to the relationship.  Over time, this relationship ebbs and flows but the commitment to the partnership doesn’t change. I have seen many couples stay together because of religion or children.  The children suffer because they never see what a healthy relationship can be.  They are then usually destined to repeat the same pattern of behavior in their own relationships.  Those who stay for religious beliefs, typically become resentful or find other means to devote themselves to.

My husband and I were married at 18.  Everyone thought we were too young, didn’t know what we were doing, and would quickly get divorced.  Just like parenting, we had no role models for how to be married or what a happy, healthy couple should be like.  If you ask my husband why we got married, he will tell you it is because we were destined to.  From the moment he first saw me, he was drawn to me.  Everything that followed good or bad was just to spend time with me.  While marriage wasn’t part of his plan, he never had any doubt that we would spend the rest of our lives together.  He believes I am his soulmate. He is a hopeless romantic and I love every ounce of it.  There is a part of me that believes that fate, destiny, divine intervention dictated our love.  There are a million reasons why we shouldn’t be together but non of those matter.  He is the missing piece of me.  Not because I’m not whole without him but because I am infinitely better with him.  When we are in sync, we are amazing.  There is a level of synergy that is unstoppable.  Whether that means we are soulmates or yin and yang, that is why it was easy to marry him.  That bond is also what keeps us together.  We have faced adversity but whatever happens, we will face it together.

The practical side of me believes that the reason we got married is beyond love and physical attraction.  It is because we had similar perceptions about the world.  While our families didn’t appear to be the same, we were raised with a high level of dysfunction.  We also were strong, survivors that believed we could control our own destinies.  We also lack empathy for those who were not accountable for their own actions.  This similarity put us on the same path.  We had a similar frame of reference.

My husband love me despite my flaws.  I can be completely vulnerable and trust him with my inner most secrets.  He doesn’t judge, instead he loves me more.  This is why I know without a doubt that we got married for the right reasons.